Every once in a while, when I'm not completely pissed off at them, a pastor tells me something I need to know. As often as not, it's not something spiritual, but something practical, something like "walk in the direction that you intend to go." And so...
I walked down the hallway to the advising room and filled out the form to apply to graduate today. I found out last week that I should have filled it out in September if I wanted to graduate in May. Such is life. I should have maybe walked a little more quickly, but nonetheless, August graduation, here I come! I hadn't planned on walking through the ceremony anyway (different direction), so August instead of May isn't too big of a deal.
Then, this evening, I walked across the street and asked my grandfather to unlock the cedar box that contains my father's effects. It's been closed and off limits, but ever present, all these 33 years. It occurred to me last week that I was old enough to ask. I only took a quick peek, saw an old sneaker, a watch, some blue jeans, but Saturday I'm going back to collect the complete contents.
Walk in the direction you intend to go.
16 comments:
I like that Charmi. It's kind of like a more managable version of that Thoreau quote:
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
Which I love too, but on some days can feel a bit daunting---
Yes, it's good, practical advice. I do like the Thoreau quote, though. I should go back and read him again. I think it's been since high school.
Yes, life and dreams are daunting, but I suppose that makes them worthwhile. Some days worthwhile doesn't feel like the right word, though.
Do you have another book coming out yet? Lark Apprentice was very good. DDL gave the whole poetry class copies last spring.
Wow. Congratulatios on graduation. Then what? Ha! Don't you love that question.
I've been walking for so long that I'm really growing weary as of late. I'm ready to be there already.
I know, Talia, I know. The walking gets tiring some days.
The problem is the BA is really a cross roads. The piece of paper, innocent looking enough, asks you to make decisions, to say yes to some things and no to others. Well, I suppose I can only speak for myself. This is what the piece of paper says to me. I'm sure it says other things to other people. I'm probably putting much more into it than I should. But I still have time to think. Jojo still has one more year of high school and it will be a busy one. I want to get her snug into college before I consider anything radically different.
They're not the nicest people in there. Well the receptionist is great, it's the person in that back room. She only speaks through the door. You don't see her, she's mysterious. Unless of course you demand that you will graduate because you did do all she required you to do. She blamed her mistake on her receptionist in a hushed voice. Um hmm. Sorry for venting.
Yes. KLC was out to lunch yesterday when I filled out the paper, and I was glad. She has been one of the least encouraging people I have ever met. I fully expect a letter momentarily telling me something like, I'm sorry, but I can't possible let you graduate. You've been at this too long.
I love that quote. The problem is not getting distracted by outwardly appealing poisonous flowers or pretty paths that lead you either nowhere or right back to the beginning. Also, I seem to have a horrible sense of direction. :)
Walk in the direction you want to go. A beautiful summation of that narrow road.
And Talia, I understand your weariness. I suppose the key is to learn to enjoy the walking as much as you yearn for the destination.
Yeah, nice quote blah blah blah rosy posy and all that crap. . . what about the box? Tell me more, it feels like a mystery!
Besides, you know I have my own father issues and I was glad to have had the chance to renew our relationship before he died. . . but to have access to a box that hasn't been opened in 33 years. . .curiosity and all that. . . all my father left me was debt and about a million Marlboro points. . .
Rachel, yes. I have really come to love parts of this walking. In fact, I've really sort of turned into a different person altogether in some ways...but it is costing me a fortune.
Jesus - I'll try and write the story of the box this weekend, when I have more thinking time. It's a small piece of the larger essay I put away in frustration last week. The box really can't be understood without the whole story. I probably don't understand the box completely myself, but maybe it will become more clear to me as I write. It probably won't help you with your father issues, but who knows?
One clarification - the box has been opened, it just hasn't been accessible to my two brothers and me.
Talia, costing you a fortune? How so?
Tuition, technology fees, stupid textbooks that professors never use, baby-sitting, gas, and the lack of a second income...
Oh, ok...I was thinking you were talking about the walk of Christianity. :)
thanks for what you said about my book, Charmi
I'm working on a new ms. but who knows when i'll be done, I am soooo slow.
It's good you're working on a new ms. That's fine. And I'm glad I'm not the only slow mover. Of course, with me I keep imagining one of these days I'm going to run out of time. But what can you do? Just keep walking, I guess.
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