Bodies

Our friends walk in the woods and stumble over dead bodies, all missing, all murdered. The count so far is three. Although one was actually on the edge of a cornfield, I think it amounts to the same thing. What are the odds of accidentally finding a dead body? I’ve been known to dive into woods and cornfields quite frequently. This information seems important to me.

My son’s track coach found the body that was on the edge of the cornfield. It was missing its head. I can’t remember what the outcome of that was, but I seem to remember it wasn’t an accident. I don’t know if they ever found the head.

The parents of my son’s girlfriend found their body in an Illinois forest preserve back in the ‘70s. It had all its parts when they found it, but sometime after (maybe during) autopsy it wound up missing its head and hands. There was talk it was the missing Brach candy heiress. Perhaps all that candy made her body parts fall off easily, become less secure. But I heard thoroughbred race horses were involved, or maybe it was non-thoroughbreds. My memory is so poor.

Another body turned up a few years ago on Thanksgiving morning. That one was our next door neighbors’ claim to fame. They were out hunting for rabbits, which is another mystery I can’t explain. Why hunt for rabbits when you’re about to sit down to all that food? From a distance they weren’t sure it was a body, or at least one that was dead. On closer inspection the question was resolved. The body had kept all its parts, but natural causes weren’t suspected. It was very badly bruised.

I put dead bodies and snakes in the same category. They are part of nature, I don’t mind seeing them and touching them, but I like to prepare myself for the encounter. I really prefer to know when they’re apt to be around.