Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Swirling

Life is always swirling around, making patterns in the snow and the sand. I am 13 years older than my father. I have been married as many years as I have been single. I’m not afraid of the dark anymore, mostly. But still, every day there are new patterns. Four friends have new puppies. They are young, these puppy lovers. I have a sign on my refrigerator that says “NO NEW ANIMALS.” It seems to be working. It’s been there two years and only two new animals have arrived. Some of the puppy lovers are getting married, some even having babies. These are not the new patterns. I’ve seen these babies and puppies before. They are beautiful. They make you tear your hair out. Friends with puppies and babies, go for it. Have fun. I’m looking past that vision now. My new patterns are trying to figure out how to live when you’re 13 years older than your father, how to love well and not be consumed, where to walk when you’re no longer afraid of the dark.

2 comments:

Talia said...

Funny thing about puppies and babies. When I was about 6 months pregnant we couldn't stand it and went and got our puppy. The desire to nurture was overwelming. I even got up at night to let the little thing outside...it was good practice.

Charmi said...

Isn't that funny, that nurturing urge? How does it suddenly appear? I have suffered from an extremely strong dose of it for many years. I think I am recovering. This morning Sunflower kitty chewed through my laptop's power cord while I was using it. Oh, yes, I'm dreaming of that cabin in the woods. If a cat finds me out there I will feed it, but it will definitely live outside.